Friday, May 18, 2012

Final Signs I’m Not Much Of A Man, Part 4

You knew there must be more, didn’t you.

I don’t own a pocket knife or a gun. I don’t play pool or watch car races. I won’t play shirts and skins basketball. I don’t tell dirty jokes, and I cringe at foul language. I don't gossip.

I like quiche, spinach, and yoghurt. I don’t like steak, onion rings, or hot wings.

I button my shirts up to my neck. I like wearing a tie. I like bolo ties. I like shopping, except at the mall. I’ve never worn penny loafers with shorts and without socks. I own no shoes with tassels.

I don’t use whitening strips. I don’t go tanning. I drive under the speed limit. I don’t rev my engine at lights. I have never peeled out in my car, and I can’t ride a wheelie on a bike. My bike is a red, one-speed, retro Schwinn with big tires and a wide seat, with a milk crate bolted to the back. I haven’t chopped wood as an adult.  I mow my own yard but I’ve never changed my own oil. 

I cry watching The Parent Trap, both versions, and I feel bad for that actress, how she turned out so far, but I can’t think of her name. I would rather have carry out Chinese on the couch with my wife and a Meg Ryan movie than anything else, except maybe watching The Backyardigans with one of my granddaughters. There isn’t much better than having everyone in the house on the bed late at night, talking and laughing.
I made fun of my dad for years that he was Chevy Chase in that Vacation movie, but now I realize that it’s me wanting to show the kids the biggest ball of yarn in the world. Before they’re all gone.
Man oh man.

Read Part 1.

Read Part 2.

Read Part 3. Tell us what you think....


  1. Watching a Meg Ryan movie, eating take-out with my wife is one of my favourite ways to spend an evening, and has been for the last twenty or so years.
    I was intrigued when I clicked on the Meg Ryan link and it took me to the Joe Versus the Volcano page on Amazon. That particular film is one of my favourite Meg movies although I've struggled for years to find anyone else who's seen it.
    It's great to meet another fan!

    1. Hi Paul. I like most Meg Ryan movies, but my two favorites are Joe and Prelude To A Kiss. They are both quirky and unfailingly entertaining every time I watch. I hate to admit that the first two times I watched Joe, I didn't realize Ryan played all three women. I watch it two or three times a year, usually when no one else is around.

      I wonder what other oddities we have in common. Are you a Harry Nilsson fan, too?

    2. You're not the only one John, Tom Hanks has actually said that he didn't recognise Meg when he first saw her as Dee Dee on the set of Joe Vs the Volcano.

      I'm not very familiar with Harry Nilsson unfortunately but I did want to thank you for your insightful contribution to the Michelle Pfeiffer/Meg Ryan debate I've been running. You've given me a lot of food for thought, which I'll probably use for a supplementary post some time in the future.

      Have a nice weekend.

    3. Thanks again, Paul. I'll look for your next post in the great Ryan/Pfeiffer debate.

      Tom Hanks and I were born on the very same day in 1956. Except for hair, body, voice, and what we drive, Hanks and I are a lot alike. So far, he's made more money than me, though. So far....


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