Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Little Difference Between The Mall And Dante’s Inferno

Events beyond my control put me at my local mall recently, twice, and now I have a new reason to hate being there.
I haven’t enjoyed the mall since I was 12, when I got kicked out of a department store for bouncing on the beds. So I don’t visit often, despite having 7 daughters. Everything there is too snooty, and too expensive. Even with 80 percent off clearance sales, I won’t pay that much for a shirt. There are too many artificial scents, and too many artificial sales clerks. There are too many marauding bands of barely dressed 14-year-old girls, and too many barely dressed, over-tanned 50-year-old former Barbie Dolls who just don’t have a clue.
And now there are too many hawkers.

Arial view of our local mall, about as close as I care to get.

Our mall has always had kiosks scattered throughout the center aisles, each one a fresh little horror to avoid between JCPenney and Dillard’s. But now, many of these temporary, over-priced stalls are inhabited by snarling, aggressive, mean-spirited trolls who harass everyone who gets within 40 feet of them, “how dare you walk by without buying this crap I’m pushing.”
Not only are they intrusive, they are rude, and I resent it. If I wanted to be hounded like that I would go to the midway at our annual carnival, or to the local boat show, or walk around with a big bag of Ben and Jerry’s on day 15 a 3-week weight loss camp.
At the mall, I want to mind my own business, thank you.
How about you? The next time you are tempted, before going to the mall, remind yourself what it's like by playing this:

Mall map from Simon Malls, arial photo from here.

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