White Christmas Is A Scam

WARNING! FRAUD ALERT! If you are about to snuggle up in front of the DVD player to watch WhiteChristmas, be warned that it is not a Christmas movie. Except for the opening minutes where Bing Crosby sings the song, and then, of course, the closing minutes where the women in those beautiful red robes join in the singing, there is no mention of Christmas. None. The plot has nothing to do with Christmas. The story line is not about Christmas. Except for one brief mention of doing their show on Christmas Eve, NO ONE SAYS A WORD ABOUT CHRISTMAS in the entire movie. It’s a scam.

These movies are more about Christmas than White Christmas because they mention Christmas or have more Christmas decorations in them:

Die Hard

Lethal Weapon

Dirty Harry

Gremlins

Trading Places

Goodfellas

When Harry Met Sally

Edward Scissorhands

Brazil

Batman Returns

The Godfather for Pete’s sake.

Or even Life Of Brian.

I’m not saying White Christmas is not a good movie. I’m just asking you to not be fooled. Watch Crosby sing White Christmas on YouTube if you must, but then go watch a real Christmas movie, like Steve Martin in Mixed Nuts. You’ll thank me for it. Ho ho ho.

237 Reasons To Make Love

 

Remember on Cheers when Diane wrote a paper on Sam’s romantic history? Looking through it, Sam says, “she even managed to make my love life boring.”

 

Well, that’s what Meston and Buss have done in Why Humans Have Sex. Like all scholarly papers written by and for the so-called intelligentsia, this paper is long and dull, despite the topic. You can read sentences like this only so many times: “sex can be viewed as a fungible resource” or “the most comprehensive existing taxonomy, framed from a theoretical perspective of dispositional sexual motives”…. Yawn!

 

Like most academic research, this paper is flawed because the overwhelming majority of participants were college students, but that is a topic for another time. Of the 706 males and 1,287 females studied, the age range was 16 to 42, but 96 percent of them were between 18 and 22. Only 4 percent were married.

There are 237 reasons listed, and almost all of them are selfish and egocentric.

 

The most common reason was mere stress relief. “I wanted to release tension.” “I was bored.” “I hadn’t has sex in a while.”

The next most common reasons were for physical pleasure, but with a mine not yours attitude. “It feels good.” “It’s exciting and adventurous.” “I just wanted it.”

 

Then comes mere physical attraction. “The person had an attractive face.” “The person had beautiful eyes.” “The person flattered me.”

 

Then there’s simple curiosity. “I was curious about my sexual abilities.” “I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.”

 

Of course, there are reasons that just seem wrong by any standard. “I wanted to make my boyfriend jealous.” “I felt it was my duty.” “It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.” “My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.”

 

As a father of seven girls, these disturb me. “The person had taken me to an expensive dinner.” “I wanted to defy my parents.” “I needed another notch in my belt.” “I was competing with someone else to get the person.” “I wanted to impress my friends.” “The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of them.” “I wanted to be popular.”

 

Finally, a heads up for parents: one of the most frequent reasons unmarried males had sex? “[She] wore revealing clothes.”

 

Something to think about the next time your daughter goes clothes shopping.

 

Photo credits: Cheers, Peggy Sue Got Married, The Flinstones.

Bunker/Paulsen: No Worse Than Anyone Else

 

My slogan for the 2008 presidential election was “Anyone But Hillary.” I got my wish there, but I should have been more specific.

I am no fan of our current president, nor was I too pleased with the one before him, or especially the one before that. Like you, I’m tired of all the mudslinging and acrimony in politics. It’s all just posturing, at best, but mostly it’s just a bunch of lies, spread by an all too willing, lazy, uninspired media. Both parties are out of touch with Americans, so as far as our day-to-day lives go, there is little difference between a Democrat or a Republican in the White House.

 

Which is exactly how they and Congress want it. Our politicians, especially at the national level, learned a long time ago that if they can keep common people like us bickering between ourselves over relatively minor issues, they can do as they please. “They keep us doped with religion and sex and TV” is how John Lennon described it. That Chick-Fil-A spectacle is a perfect example. While we fight about that, we forget about or have no energy left for the real issues that are dooming us as a country, like rising unemployment and a multi-trillion-dollar debt.

Which is exactly how they want it. Infighting prevents us from remembering that this is our country, not theirs, and this is our government, not theirs. Petty bickering stops us from uniting, stops us from fighting the bigger issues, together, stops us from being good citizens.

 

Both parties are as guilty as the other, just as corrupt as the other, but we as citizens, we as voters, have to take the blame. Whichever party wins the presidency in November, little will change because both parties do what is best for themselves, not what is best for the country, not what is best for we the people.

In the photo, I’m wearing a 1972 “Archie Bunker For President” t-shirt. I’m old enough to remember Pat Paulsen’s 1968 bid for the presidency on the Smothers Brothers show. As I see it, we wouldn’t be any worse off electing them.

 

 

 

The Bunker image came from here, and the Paulsen from here. You might check Youtube for some Paulsen videos. The guy was funny.

 

If This Is Being A Sheep, I Say “Baaaaa, Baby, Baaaaa”

 

 

I came across this photo essay on MSN, and some of the pictures made me smile, and some of them made me wonder if I’m as nice to others as I could be, inside and outside of my home and my small circle of friends.

 

The problem is that articles like this make it seem that acts of kindness are rare, newsworthy, but they are not rare. Most people are thoughtful, and most people do kind things for others  – with no thought of praise or attention – all the time. I mean that literally, all the time.

 

But kindness rarely makes the news. More likely is a story about someone breaking into that vending machine or someone stealing the bike seat, or one about how America is to blame for that poor, shoeless girl’s plight. Unkindness and bad news are what sell in the media, and sadly, the reason misfortune sells is that we keep buying it.

 

And the more we buy it, the more we believe it, which makes it less likely we will act with kindness, thinking “why bother.” The ultimate end of such a path is we will be like lonnie5000, who commented:

 

“There is no such thing as kindness, random or otherwise. It’s all just propaganda meant to spread false hope in a failing society. And the quicker you sheeple realize this the better. Thumbs down if you are a mindless sheep being herded by the corrupt government or you are just a dumb***.”

 

I’m guessing lonnie5000 watches CNN and a subscribes to USA Today. What do you sheeple say?

 

 

Sometimes Only A Brand Name Will Do (Just Ask Winston Churchill)

The TOMS shoes post got me thinking about name brands. In most cases, the known brand is not worth the extra money because most generic products are identical to and manufactured right alongside the more expensive ones. But aren’t there some things where only the brand name will do?

I have a few favorite brands, such as ConverseAll-Stars, Wilson tennis rackets, Levi’s Jeans, and Gibson Guitars. Right now I’m wearing Reeboks and Lee Jeans, because they were on sale. I play tennis with a Head racket, also on sale, and the guitar sitting next to me is a Johnson (a Johnson?) because who can afford to learn on a Gibson? In most things, it seems – clothes, groceries, most hygiene products – my loyalty is to price over brand.

But there are some things on which I do not skimp, just like Churchill having some things up with which he will not put….

In the kitchen, I only use Saladmaster cookware. It is simply the best and healthiest and cheapest way to cook, and the food tastes great because it loses so little nutrition.

Since 1977, all my cameras have been Canon. A friend loaned me a Canon AE-1 35 years ago and I was hooked for life. Even though Kelly’s wonderful Nikon Coolpix is on my desk at the moment, I would never purchase anything other than a Canon for myself.

My computer is a big ol’ HP, as are both monitors, the speakers and sub-woofer, the external hard drive, the wireless keyboard and the printer. I like HP, and likely will stay with the brand. Kelly, on the other hand, has a big ol’ iMac on her desk and a MacBook where ever she goes. She is pretty devoted, in the way raving lunatics are devoted, to the brand, and if I point out – logically and kindly – that she could have bought three computers like mine, or six times the computing power, for the same price, she starts acting all wonky, like all Apple people do when you use logic on them.

A recent preference is for Bose speakers. Over the last four years we’ve gotten the SoundDock, the SoundLink Wireless Mobile speaker, and the Quietcomfort 15 headphones. I’m telling you, you have never heard music until you put those babies on and flip the little switch. The sound is stunning and absolutely personal. Don't tell anyone, but sometimes I just put them on with the noise cancelling feature on so I get a little quiet time. Oh, and don't wear them while riding your bike.

I take generic medicine, when I take medicine at all, but if I have a cold, I rely on Vicks VapoRub. It’s the best.

I use regular Zest soap, and only Zest soap, in a bar, because I like being "zestfully clean," and I use Mennen Speed Stick, Unscented.

There are also some brands that I refuse to use. I don’t Google, for example. I don’t wear Old Navy or Aeropostale or Abercrombie, which is good, my children say, because I’m not cool enough. Which, I say, proves the point about that whole TOMS shoes scam.

How about you? What are your brand loyalties?

Stop And Face The Music Or You Might Miss The $3,000,000 Violin Guy, Too

The man playing violin in the corner of this mass transit entryway is Joshua Bell, an award-winning violinist. His violin is worth more than 3 million dollars.

Because Bell is out of context, he is barely noticed, much less appreciated. During this performance, he collects $32, a big step down from the $100 per seat paid to watch him just two days earlier at a sold-out theater in Boston.

I doubt that I would have appreciated his performance, although I likely would have dropped a dollar or two into his case.

As this article from Dr.Mercola suggests, why not take a moment to recognize the beauty around us, especially in unexpected places?

Signs That I Am Not Much Of A Man, Part 3 Of 3 (Unless I Think Of More Before Tomorrow)

I own a few hand tools, and a few power tools, all neatly arranged in the basement, but my skills are extremely limited. I can add the odd shelf in a closet or unplug the garbage disposal, but that’s as handy as I get. I wear gloves working in the yard because I don’t have calluses and I don’t like the dirt under my nails.

I don’t burp the alphabet nor expel gas around other people. I don’t chew tobacco. I don’t chew gum. I don’t chew ice. I chew with my mouth closed. I generally know which fork to use. I know what a ramekin is. I like to cook and love to bake. I mostly keep our kitchen clean, and our toilets, and our floors. I like to iron my own shirts. I like doing laundry, and would do Kelly’s if she let me.

I wear sweater vests because they are warm and I am cold most of the time. I haven’t been outside without wearing a shirt since 1976. I’ve been outside barefoot fewer than 7 times since sixth grade.

I dislike shaving, but dislike facial hair more. I squeeze toothpaste from the bottom, I don’t leave clothes on the bedroom floor, and I always, always, put the toilet seat back down.

I can do 200 pushups, but it takes me 40 days. I don’t watch scary movies, unless you count Pee-wee's Big Adventure as a scary movie.  The last time I arm wrestled, a 14-year-old girl beat me. I have trifocals. I don’t wear contact lenses because I can’t touch my eyes.

Read Part 1.

Read Part 2.

Signs That I Am Not Much Of A Man, Part 1 Of 3, At Least

I look around and notice that I am not like the men I see.

I don’t wear gold chains and watches that weigh more than a small dog. I don’t wear cologne or after-shave, and I don’t use hair product. All the gray and white above my ears doesn’t bother me. I cut my own hair but don’t comb it. I pluck my eyebrows to get rid of the big, bendy ones, and the little hairs that grow from my antitragus.

I don’t cuss, unless crap is a cuss word. I’ve never smoked and I’ve never used drugs, except for a brief flirtation with Certs with Retsin. I was young. I’ve never tasted alcohol, I don’t drink soda pop, and I don’t eat cheese from a can. I don’t know how to bar-b-que.

I don’t hunt or fish. I don’t mind that people kill animals, whether they eat them or not, but I have no desire to be in the woods with a bunch of tough guys who drink beer and carry loaded rifles. I don’t fish because I can’t imagine anything more dull. You sit there swatting flies and wait and wait and wait, and even if you do catch one – which is exciting for those few seconds – in the end, all you have is a dead fish. I can back up a trailer, but I have no interest in boats. Bass Pro Shop holds no allure for me, although I like to go at Christmas and look at all the lights.

I would rather read than sleep or eat. I can type 72 words a minute. I own a bass guitar but can’t play it. I don’t like bands like KISS or Black Sabbath or AC/DC, but I do like the Everly Brothers, The Monkees and Ricky Nelson. I love Roy Orbison but I don’t get Jimi Hendrix. When I play music in the car, people outside the car can’t hear it.

Tomorrow, Part 2.

And then, Part 3.

Shame On TOMS And The Shoes He Rode In On: Part 1

One of our daughters has asked for a pair of TOMS shoes, but she has no justification when I ask why. “They are cool,” she says, which means that her friends are wearing them and she wants to keep up. “They are really comfortable,” she says, but so are socks, which are cheaper and just as sturdy as TOMS. “If we buy a pair, a poor child gets a pair,” she counters, desperate, as if there is something noble in this.

Buying TOMS is not noble, and One for One is a gimmick, a sucker game.

The average price for TOMS Classic is $54, and $74 for the other, more, um, fashion savvy styles, all of which have that cool label on the back.

What you’re paying for isn’t the label, but what the label represents: “I care more than you.”

It’s like wearing a ribbon for the latest fad cause. We feel better about ourselves and we think we look good in front of our friends because we wear a ribbon, rather than actually doing some actual work to help actual people.

Don’t get me wrong. Shoes are a good idea, and wearing shoes protects the health of children, but these are not good shoes: comfortable, maybe, but only while they last. You couldn’t scuff around in the poor streets of Ethiopia – where the shoes are made, there and China – or Honduras or Zambia for long.

“TOMS has given 1,000,000 pairs of new shoes to children in need around the world,” which is good, but it’s no different from cigarette companies and oil companies and pharmaceutical companies donating tiny amounts of their ill-gotten billions to charity.

The giving is a smoke screen, a sucker’s game. Don’t fall for it.

Tomorrow? Part 2….

And When Only A Name Brand Will Do.